We’re Pregnant and Need To Get Albany!

Jones Beach (W.Rogell)

Jones Beach (W.Rogell)

One of the best things about Phish tour are the inevitable fiascoes that go down on your mission to get from show to show.  The combination of psychedelics, many miles on the road, little sleep, and a constant whirlwind of cities consistently results in absurd tales that survive the test of time.  Whether you’ve escaped a police search with goodies stashed, gotten horribly lost leaving a show while barely thinking about where you were driving, been evacuated from a hotel for a fire alarm, or stumbled upon exactly what you were looking for when it was the furthest thing from possible, everyone has had their own tour adventures and obstacles.  This was one of those hurdles.

Atlantic Beach, NY

Atlantic Beach, NY

We were all set for the Jones Beach run.  One of my friends had hooked up his uncle’s beach house in Atlantic Beach- 20 minutes from the venue- for the entire week.  We didn’t need to worry about city traffic or blocking out a quarter of our day in order to get to the show; we could relax and go about our business.  But after a scathing late-night verbal assault that came through the  bushes separating the neighbor’s property, my friend wanted to flee the scene.  Without any real explanation, we needed to leave, and before we knew it we found ourselves back in New York City.  Fortunately we had a place to stay, but we had to brave outbound traffic for the next two shows- ugh.  For those unfamiliar with the math here, Jones Beach is a 35 mile drive from the city, but can easily take upwards of two or three hours if you leave at the wrong time.  Luckily, my friend and ultimate navigator, Greg, refuses to wait in traffic- but that is a whole ‘nother story.

Times Square, NYC

Times Square, NYC

As we got to the city on the afternoon of June 3rd- a day off- we unloaded the car and Greg went to park it in a garage.  Little did I know that he found a street spot- which doesn’t always turn out so well in New York City.  That night we went out to Mike Gordon’s birthday bash downtown, and upon getting home, Greg went out to smoke a cigarette.  Showing up at least an hour later, he said he got a phone call and had taken a walk.  Fair enough.  After I went to sleep, Greg, unbeknownst to me, snuck out for another “cigarette” which I’m sure he smoked many of, as he walked miles of city blocks looking for our missing mini-van we had rented only days before.  Little did I know, sleeping soundly in bed, Greg searched for quite a while before giving up and calling it a night.

Upper East Side, NYC

Upper East Side, NYC

When I woke up, Greg had already been out in the concrete jungle, pounding the pavement to no avail.  He explained to me, visibly stressed, that the car was missing!  He had looked for hours, and had called the impound- it hadn’t been towed.  Hmmm. What the fuck was he talking about?  He had parked in a garage across the street, or so I thought.  I was sure, given the circumstances, he had drank too much tequila the night before and the car was right where he left it.  No dice.  It was starting to get on in the day; we didn’t exactly get up early.  To make matters more complex, we didn’t have the identifying rental key chain, since we had cut the wire in order to all have keys to the car.  Ok, this is impossible I thought. I was calling Thrifty back.

Impound Lot On the West Side Hwy

Impound Lot On the West Side Hwy

We quickly uncovered the missing link to the mystery.  Early that morning, the agent had misspoke our plate number to Greg, going as far as to say “E as in Edward,” mistaking an “C” for an “E.”  He never had the right license plate to begin with when he had called the city’s tow yard.  Immediately redialing the impound, we found out that our car was towed, and was now located at a lot along the West Side Highway- the opposite of where we needed to go- and it was about 4 pm.  We thought about hopping a train, but that would have sucked after the show, so we decided to just go for it.  Taking a cab to the docks along the water, we hopped out and ran inside, only to find a room full of people sitting patiently, waiting in front of us.  The reality of city bureaucracy slapped us in the face, as we imagined being there forever.  Had we fucked up and made the wrong decision?  I sure thought so.

As we went to the window to give them our information, our paper work was put in line with everyone else’s- a bad omen.  As we were leaving the window to await our fate, Greg- one of the smoothest talkers around- began to speak.  Stressed about getting to the show on time, he channelled his stress into an absurd story.  He politely, but urgently, asked the woman behind the counter- babiesthat archetypal city employee moving slower than molasses- how long it would be before we got our car. He needed to know because his wife had just gone into labor in Albany, and if we weren’t going to get our car in time, we needed to leave and rent one immediately!  I turned with a look that must have come close to blowing his cover, as he has no wife, but I chilled and went with it.  After some back and forth, the woman asked what he was possibly doing three hours from his wife at this point, and without thinking, he responded, “She’s two weeks early!  This wasn’t supposed to happen.”  Balancing his politeness with a desperate tone, the woman was clearly buying Greg’s tale.  She told us she’d do what she could, and to have a seat.

We went to the back of the small room, sitting and laughing covertly at his improvised yarn.  Watching the clock, minutes moved slowly as we kept our hopes alive that things would be fine.  About ten minutes later, ahead of many people who had been there when we arrived, my name was called.  A different woman, with a smile, asked us who the daddy was as she processed our paperwork.  We dove, head first, into a conversation about her son, my son, and Greg’s son-to-be, and the urgency of the situation at hand.  She wished us good luck as she gave us our receipt and claim check, and within ten more minutes we were on our way.  We couldn’t have been there more than a half an hour.  We forced ourselves to keep a straight face on our way out, but, nonetheless, out we went!



Greg’s super-human driving and navigation skills, with the help of “Garmini” (our affectionately named Garmin GPS), made our way through the madness of Queens and onto Long Island back roads, never stopping for a lick of traffic the entire time.  Keeping in touch with our friends on lot- and stuck on the expressway- most sat in hours of highway gridlock.  We realized that we were we were going to make the show, but as we continued, Garmini’s ETA continued to decrease.  By the time all was said and done, we pulled into the lot from the opposite side of traffic, arriving a solid hour before showtime.  What started out as a nightmare, turned into a hilarious adventure- par for the course when navigating the madness of Phish tour; things usually work out.  As we locked the doors, Greg turned to me and confidently said- just as Hannibal proclaimed on Tuesday nights of our youth- “I love it when a plan comes together.”



5.31.09 Fenway Park, Boston, MA < MEGAUPLOAD

5.31.09 Fenway Park, Boston, MA < TORRENT


Official Fenway Poster

Play Ball!  Phish’s summer tour opener was a spectacle as the band stepped onstage in a stadium for the first time in their career.  Stepping to the plate, Phish rapped a solid one, featuring three debuts and a some classic jam vehicles.  “Tweezer > Light” was the improvisational highlight, while the band surprised everyone with Skynyrd’s “The Ballad of Curtis Loew” for the first time since August ’93.  A unique night that will always be remembered in Phish history.

I: Star Spangled Banner^, Sample in a Jar, Moma Dance, Chalk Dust Torture, Ocelot*, Stash, Bouncing Around the Room, Poor Heart, Limb by Limb, Wading in the Velvet Sea, Down with Disease, Destiny Unbound, Character Zero

II: Tweezer > Light*, Bathtub Gin, David Bowie, Time Turns Elastic*, Free, The Ballad of Curtis Loew, You Enjoy Myself

E: Cavern, Good Times Bad Times, Tweezer Reprise

^ from the pitcher’s mound   * debut

Source: Schoeps mk41 > kc5 > cmc6 > Sonosax SX-M2 > Sound Devices 722 (@ 24 bit / 48 kHz) – Taper: Dave Flaschner

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170 Responses to “We’re Pregnant and Need To Get Albany!”

  1. whole tour! Says:

    is that near wallaWALLAwashington ?

  2. Exree Hipp Says:

    These stories of glorious retardation are welcome after yesterday’s fight to be the Ph. D.*

    *Phishiest Dankmeister, credit to Gordon Sharpless

  3. Exree Hipp Says:

    I am flipping out over this Camden remaster. Anyone have the SugarShack mp3 that’s inaccessible from the Mediafire link?

  4. Mr.Miner Says:

    ^ yeah! It’s amazing what a good mix will do- or rather, a remix- I have no idea what was done to it, but when the Tweezer jam drops, it just sounds right!

  5. jahvolunteer76 Says:

    If the state of South Carolina gets two fall tour shows and Minnesota none I will have no choice, but to scratch my head. At least we have a deadhead for a Senator!

  6. Jay Says:

    ^^ as the Hampton boards will attest.

  7. Selector J Says:

    Okay, the ‘Save the Date (as in the fruits)’ is sounding more plausible than the first time I heard it, but that being said…I’m kinda shaking my head to this idea that every graphic so far has something to do with date farms or Indio. The ants are the best supported symbol for this idea but after that (and before that) I think it falls apart. (Maybe the lost ship thing works, too. Maybe.)

    Oklahoma, Idaho, West Virginia and New Hampshire taken out by a nitrogen groundwater plume? I don’t know, dude… Not to mention the visual doesn’t make any sense for that phenomenon.

    I don’t mean to hate on the people sleuthing. The guessing game is definitely fun especially when Phish manipulates our anticipation so artfully to an all but confirmed rumor. I just think people are getting a little carried away with deciphering the intent of these Flash animations. Remember that summer tour closing Texas Festival in Georgetown? Me, neither.

    My guess is there is a couple of dudes in an office brainstorming cool ideas while browsing the internet and getting ripped on their vaporizer. In other words, this isn’t a crappy Dan Brown novel, folks.

  8. judd Says:

    rye rye rocco?

    antelope Greg…

  9. Jay Says:

    @jahvolunteer76 – Needto get Sen. Franken to create a MN Day Of Phish 🙂

  10. jahvolunteer76 Says:

    It could happen. He came to a Trampled by Turtles New Years eve show 2008. He is a head, no doubt about it.

  11. Jay Says:

    Oh yea, he is an old school Deadhead (remember “Jerry’s Kids” parody?. Maybe Sen. Franken can invite the boys to Minneapolis. They can close down some streets and make it a party/festival ala Asheville. Show us the love! Phish and more importantly, Phishheads are a huge boon to the local economy.

  12. Mr. Completely Says:

    @Selector I’m with you – the ants thing sure – other than that I think we’re putting way more thought into it than whoever made it.

    btw “crappy Dan Brown novel” is redundant

    I really really enjoy typing and/or saying the phrase “Senator Franken.”



    I need to watch some of the funny Dead stuff he did with Tom D. before long…haven’t seen those in awhile

  13. voopa Says:

    Help Jerry’s Kids

  14. voopa Says:

    Setbreak trivia

  15. fishman's frock Says:

    can i buy a vowel?

    good bye: OR, WY, IL, PA

  16. Selector J Says:

    I don’t have any top tier tour stories but the more humorous event was when I somehow locked the keys in our minivan with the interior light on at Lakewood ’99. After the show we get to the “Mothership” and see the light shining right on the middle bench seat, illuminating the keys (doh!) and a decorative piece of glass art work (oh, FAWK!). Things got hairy when the police kept trying to kick us out of the lot and we had to explain “Just waiting on a locksmith” but as things cleared out, the nice officer actually offered to help. Yikes! “No, thanks. Nothing to see hear.”

    After a few hours of channeling our inner-MacGyvers (using a stick to pry open a side vent and using a donated lot-coathanger to grapple the keychain), we got the doors unlocked before the locksmith showed up and went on our way.

    @Mr. C “btw ‘crappy Dan Brown novel’ is redundant”
    Indeed. 🙂 I apologize.

  17. Mr.Miner Says:

    hampton 11.12?

  18. Exree Hipp Says:

    I locked the keys in the car on the way to 11/30/97 but it turned out okay. Someone at the gas station had a slim jim, so we were only delayed like an hour. Ended up missing the first two minutes of the Guyute opener and was able to get right by the time the best Funky Bitch ever kicked in.

    Lord if I had missed that set I would never have forgiven myself.

  19. Frondoot Says:

    so no more to say about those dates that guy posted? i would go coo coo for a 3 day philly run!

  20. voopa Says:

    Locked the keys in the car at our last stop before hitting the road to San Diego > LA > Shoreline in Fall ’95. Thought it foreshadowed trouble ahead, as we still had 400+ miles to drive to SD, but the rest of the weekend was trouble free.

  21. halcyon Says:

    @ oneshow and everyone else….here is the linky that discusses some of the meaning behind the ants, the ship, the mermen, and includes the spoilers to the upcoming animation (which I try to not read myself)


  22. mr. icculus Says:

    I got a great tour story true but hard to believe. It all started it Pittsburg when this shady looking dude with long hair no front teeth and a tatto of a small tear drop (i believe) on his face approached me and my friends and offered molly and doses. My one friend (who doesn’t have alot of lot savyness decided to buy 10 molly without evan tasteing it. Needless to say after no one got off i cracked one and sure enough it tasted like sugar. So a couple of days later my friend who got ripped off backed out on me to go to Alpine so i ate the sat. night tickets but than he had a change of heart and drove me over from WV to the Sun. tour closer. On the way he joked about remembering exactly what that guy looked liked who ripped him and sure enough we were not in the Alpine lot for more than 10min, when here he comes. While my friend is a big guy and he held the dude down and emptied his pockets recovering alomost exactly the same amount he was ripped in Pittsburgh. He also took a bag with 100 capsulas of fake molly that the dude was selling in Alpine. Took his car keys phone money and fake drugs. HIPPIE LAW was inforced. Later i made him turn in the keys and phone to lost and found. No punches were ever thrown and justice was surved. Beware don’t sell my friend bunk drugs he will drive 5 states acrosss the crountry looking for you. Robbed in Pittsburgh justice in WI gotta love hippie law

  23. AlexanderK Says:

    Hey guys.. just updated the phishthoughts.com server and installed a grid container specifically for the database. You should notice two things:

    1. A general site speed increase.
    2. No more “database connection” errors.

    If you run into any problems or error screens, please report them to Miner or me immediately! Thanks!!

  24. Mr. Completely Says:

    we flyered several lots on spring 90 dead tour with the pic of a guy selling bunk sheets. never saw him at a show again.

    some my friends were into heavily dosing – very very heavily dosing – people that, in their view, violated the laws of tour karma. I was never down with that. They got really out of hand with the spraybottles at one point.

  25. lot rat Says:

    If Halloween wasnt in CA I think they would block it out soon. The whole town is reserved for the weekend. And in this bankrupt ridden state, any type of additional revenue would be welcome in a heartbeat. (If not Indio how about Sonoma!) Those bunk dates are unbelievable.

    I dont see more than 25-30K MAX at halloween. The last LA show you couldnt give tix away…there cooked on the sun and smog in those parts. I ve heard the site is sweet, and the weather in those parts is TITS that time of year.

    cant fuckin wait till 8/1…..Eyes>Divided Sky opener

    and Roanoke 87, one of the few indoor summer shows is freight fuckin train. The second set will put hairs on your balls. Find a nice AUD and dream…

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